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I've recently come to realize how much my sanity relies on my constant creation of words in a creative form. As you are well aware, I have not posted anything here for a while. The Tuatha de Danann lived in peace, but in my absence I've slowly deteriorated and the Milesians creep up from behind and attacked. I've been losing it for the last two weeks. The battle is raging full blast now. I hade been ignoring my play, pulling away from my friends and my boyfriend thought i was cheating him. Which is the saddest part of all. I barely have the energy to devote to him, let alone some one else. But that he doubted me like that made me really sad. I cried. I think its good i got that out though. I'm glad he arrived on my door step unexpectedly. It was good for our relationship.
I just i've been falling into this depression recently for a number fo reasons. I'm going to be twenty in a week and I don't think i have anything to show for it. Have i succeed in NYC. NO. I don't think i deserve to be twenty and i don't think i'm ready for it. Then tomorrow The Boy and I will have been together for 9 months. Thats a long time. I'm certain thats making me anxious. Also, work is so not stimulating. I go into automatic and watch the minutes tick by. I don't know how much longer i can stand it. I really need a better job. I need someone in theater or film - more likely film, thats the money - or TV, even , to hire me as their PA. Next semester I could start looking. or start looking for next semester. I'm sure they would work around my class schedule and I have lots of free time. I wouldn't even mind going in before my classes and after my classes. The way my schedule is for next semester means for my current job, i'll only be able to work friday, saturday and sunday. Which sucks. Well, i have to wake up my Boy and ge to that horrible job. Good luck with your day.