Most Scattered Post Ever

first thought:
I've come to this semi-understanding with the idea of polygamy. I don't think I could ever practice it, but I've come to a semi-understanding. Not to mention, my boyfriend and his roommate think I would make a great second wife. ANYWAY. The other night was my boyfriend's birthday party and he invited a whole bunch of people to a bar and it was lots of fun and everyone was buying his a drink and he was already drunk when we got there because we pre-partied with a few people at this german restaurant and they drunk....so long story short. The boyfriend is drunk. I'm bad at deal with drunk people and I----I'm not sure what to call this feeling, maybe disappointment. But somehow I always tend to lose faith in the person who I have to deal with. BUT it was soooo helpful having his roommate there. She was totally on top of everything. I love her. Maybe the reason I feel this disappointment, is my own inability to take actions that will be completely beneficial to the drunk person. Anyway, she knows what to do and i'm good at doing what i'm told. So she made my night so much easier and I am going to be forever in her debit. To go backwards and hopefully end at the beginning. I am not disappointed in my boyfriend and his drunkenness - the pessimistic side says i don't feel it yet, or am not willing to admit it, because i don't want this to influence our relationship, but i don't listen to the pessimistic side. So i think two wives take the pressure off one another, they make up for each other's faults and short comings, or at least idealistically. However, i don't think i could ever practice polygamy, because i'm not sure how i'd feel about sharing in the sex field. I know i don't have to sleep with the other wife, but still.

I think I'm growing into a more mature person. Only time will bring that thought.

Next thought - hopefully more cohesive.

My boyfriend's roommate's boyfriend is visiting from North Carolina. He has been friends with my boyfriend since 12. They get alone really well. it was great seeing them together. I like him a lot. I like him drastically them the other friends i have met so far. He is mountains above them. All four of us hung out last night. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. I was having breathe stopping, snort inducing fits of laughter on the walk home from the german restaurant (this is a different one then the one mentioned above). I haven't laughed that hard for a long time. They play off each other so well. I hope i can coalese into this group.

and the third thought, a poem:

I woke up in my dream at your place and it was morning again
Maybe I wanted to relive those last few hours
But I knew I was here alone at my place and I woke myself because I knew it was fake and I didn’t want to pretend. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I do it so well.
I don’t want to upset myself.

“A dream itself is but shadow”

Je me perde dans tu peau
Ce n’est pas des mots de moi
Mais je comprends tout
Tu ne me comprends rien
Je pense ques c’est heureux
Je veux que tu comprends tout
Un jour, probablement, j’espere

But this doesn’t create a barrier between us, it makes us closer

Je suis plus proche de toi aujourd’hui que jamais

Dans les reves ou dans le realite, je t’aime et je te veux

“For in that sleep of death what dreams may come”

Je veux notre peaux devenir d’eau
Et pleut sur les oceans du monde
Et cause tous les fleurs devenir le plus belle que jamais

from my dream I woke up twice
I don’t know which is more real
The one where I was alone and knew the things around me didn’t exist
Or the one that continues and I think everything is real
I remember them both the same,
Are they equally real?

Je ne vraiment exist
Je suis un ombre

I know its . . . "alternative". Anyway, just a note on it. The quotations are from HAMLET, byt Shakespeare. I hope my french is correct, yes i know i left out the accents. anyway, that's everything. I now have to go meet that boyfriend on mine. I should also write a scene in my play, but i'm too tired and don't want to haul my computer anywhere right now. so i guess i'll end up long-handing it sometime in the next 24 hours.

so... "GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK"

ps. i have not seen the movie and it was not my oscar choice, since i didn't see it - out of lack of time and money, not choice.